I was 15 years old when I had my first major surgery. I was playing an aggressive game of basketball when I got tripped during a jump for a lay-up.
I fell HARD. Landing directly on my knee cap. I limped around for a few weeks with pieces of that bone floating around inside my leg, until the pain in my knee became unbearable.
You see, one of my many flaws is avoiding pain. I’ll distract, avoid or ignore it until something or someone forces me to confront it. So, the time came when I could no longer conceal the injury from my mom, because everything that was broken and hurting inside from that fall was now showing visibly.
Last night I prayed for God to speak to me on a personal struggle, and to do so clearly. So it came as no surprise that I woke up at 4:30am with a nightmare and an intense urge to run. I’m a morning person, but NOT a “Let’s go run “ at 4:30am in the morning person.
But run I did. And the SON joined me.
A friend of mine warned me a few days ago about rocks tripping up runners and causing them to fall resulting in serious injury. I heeded her warning. The last thing I wanted was something to trip me up, and cause an injury that would slow down my progress. So I kept watch for rocks that might result in my fall.
About half way through my run, the tiniest of rocks snuck past my watchful eye. How did I miss it?! I still don’t know. But I did. I tripped and fell so very hard, directly on the same knee I had injured when I was 15.
It hurt. Badly. But in that physical pain God showed me something deeper. Here I was, 22 years later still running from pain.
The pain of disappointment.
The pain of failure.
The pain of rejection.
The pain of betrayal.
The pain of loss.
I had run so long from the pain, that the broken pieces I tried to hide were becoming visible on the outside. Because holding on to pain, can make you so very angry and bitter inside.
But in that moment, as I held my hurting knee, God held my hurting heart.
“Move. Keep walking.” He said.
So together we walked and I began telling Him all my pain. Every little thing that was breaking my heart. And just like the surgeon did 22 years ago with a scalpel to my knee ; God took all the painful broken pieces and put me back together, piece by piece.